December. December? December. Already.
I am not at all the person I was last December. I was a college senior, happy with my classes for the first time in a long time. Drawing self-esteem from a secret lie which involved someone else (how I wish I could forget that whole episode). Working a couple jobs which I liked, and where they liked me. I had waist-length hair. I was a vegetarian and didn’t touch alcohol. I had a great apartment and a car in perfect condition. I knew where I was.
Not one of those things is true anymore.
Not that this year has been all about loss. After all, I gained a diploma and class ring, got some stamps in my passport, got a grown-up job (sort of) and a new life in crappy old Boston.
I’m already looking back on this and wondering how and why it happened. I’m sure the bewilderment will only grow with time.
Perhaps the most important thing I learned this year was that when I would say “it makes no difference”–I was wrong. It makes a difference where you are, what you do, who you’re with. It always makes a difference.
