I haven’t thought about Neruda in a long time… Tuesday, Jun 17 2008 

friends and life and men Ni 7:07 pm

But he’s just one of the many links.

 

Where are they now, part 9: Nate Saturday, Oct 13 2007 

college and friends and men , Ni 4:27 pm

Nate was a definite maybe. He and I were alike. We looked alike, lacked social skills from homeschooling, were at a similar level of intelligence. We both dressed with style, spending too much money on clothes and hobbies like cameras.

We were born 2 days apart. We went out for our 21st birthdays together, but I couldn’t drink. I wasn’t as recovered from my childhood as I had thought.

I dragged my feet when I was moving, hoping he would give me a reason to stay. But he did nothing.

Where is he now? He’s getting married today. Only took him a couple months to start dating someone after I moved.

I threw my whole life away to come to Boston. For what?

 

Ugh Saturday, Jul 15 2006 

friends and jobs and men Ni 11:35 pm

Sooo many job applications. At this point, even if a potential employer called, I would have no recollection of the position.

I’m realizing… I don’t want to move. I don’t want to leave Michigan.

As much as I still love Patrick, I’m not going to drag myself to the west coast on the off chance there might be something there someday.

As much as I thought I wanted New York or Boston… it feels disloyal to Detroit, to my tight little group of Russians and Russophiles and Annarborites, with whom I’ve spent these last years and whom I’ve come to love.

And yet I know, I don’t miss my hometown up north anymore, or even like it. There are about 3 people there I even ever want to see again. And so I would probably forget my downstate posse the same way, and the hills and valleys that have become my home here.

But… there could be something here. In the only way that ever really matters. And though it wouldn’t be the mad love I had for a certain horn player, it could be something to build a life on, or around, or however you’re supposed to do it.

 

Reasons to be joyful Sunday, Jun 25 2006 

friends Ni 8:38 pm

Nate gave his first talk today, on joy. I had thought he might pass out, or at least bomb. But he did well. His parents seemed more nervous than he did. The whole family was there, too.

I've never quite been sure how to feel about him. Or he me, I think. We are a lot alike in some ways. Born 2 days apart to very different circumstances and families, we have the oddest things in common. Vegetarian childhoods, horsekeeping, welding, a slightly mean sense of humor. And the whole social handicapping that comes with having been homeschooled in the teenage years.

I don't know if I personally have the right to be, but I'm proud of him. Show 'em how it's done, Natester.